i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
