you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
