I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
