I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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