dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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