I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
this hospital has no fireball
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
