I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize