remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
