She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He felt like a one man threesome
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
