theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
