Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize