It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
