the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
