K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
