I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
