I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
