I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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