I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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