Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
