im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
