oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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