if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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