Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
