He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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