yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Randomize
