I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
