I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize