It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
