the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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