Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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