Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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