Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
My breasts were aching with rage.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
