she looked like the bat from fern gully.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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