everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
