maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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