My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
