The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
