did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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