so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
