if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I understand Curling. That high.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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