woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
