I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
