At least make sure they are 18
Why
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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