shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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