'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
