honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
