:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
