why do cheetos always look like penises
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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