I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
