Umm I'm too high to move.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I look better un-naked...
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
