When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize