I faked an abortion last night.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
