I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
