Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
