i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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