we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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