If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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