I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
