the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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