It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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