he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
