you would pick up someone in the library
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
