i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
