y did u give ur computer a hand job?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
