someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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