So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
