1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
